is wine microwaveable?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
