So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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