she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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