Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
