Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
