is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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