Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
