I'm gonna have a badass scar
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
