Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
