this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
