Having a random hookup so left but love u
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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