i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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