Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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