hell yes lets make some ravioli
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Best friends brother. Beat that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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