"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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