ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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