I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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