the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
