did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
