How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
