i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
