I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
