I cannot find my penis.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
