When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
