Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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