literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
