Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
