I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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