Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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