idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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