Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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