Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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