and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
