i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
