Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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