remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
