I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
