i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
