He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
