He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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