O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
