Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
