I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
