I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
