Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
