You smell like a Billy Joel song
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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