Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would fuck him just for his dog
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
