im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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