i just wanna soil my oats bro
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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