I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
