she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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