we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
