??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
