Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
