i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
