I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
