bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
