oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
