i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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