Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
