nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
