is your mom at the bar?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
