My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
