He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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