And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
