New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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