Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
