I wannas sexs uuuuu
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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