how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
