Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this will be a night to untag.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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